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Healing while taking care of children

We as parents hear so often to take care of ourselves. But what does that look like when you have children? Small children at that. We as mothers know first hand how stressful being a mother is but I’ve learned through those hard moments our children are the light for us. They are the light at the end of the tunnel and LOTS of prayer of course.

Forgive yourself

Forgive yourself for being in a slump, for being sad. You won’t be a perfect mommy everyday. Forgive yourself for doing what you knew how to do in that time of your life. I went through a rough breakup at the beginning of 2022. I blamed myself so many times on what I could have done differently. I blamed myself for the signs I ignored that probably wouldn’t have ended me in that hard place I was at. But truly I needed to forgive myself if I expected God to heal me. What are areas In your life do you need healed from? Are you grieving a loss? Dealing with childhood trauma? Hurting from betrayal or removing yourself from a toxic situation.

Take the time out for yourself. If you have smaller children have different sessions for yourself or include them. Take a family walk outside. Fresh air is great for renewing your mind and getting you focused. Use this time to journal whether that is on paper or in your phone. Tap into your emotions, cry if you need to. Tell God all you’re feeling. Be honest. Let it all out and don’t hold back on anything. Cuddle with your babies, that helped me a lot. God shows his amazing love for me through my youngest child, Kailani. She’s 2 and her hugs and kisses are ALWAYS right on time.

Last year during my breakup I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be around anyone or do anything. I didn’t know what joy was anymore. All I knew how to do was cry. Although I wanted to be alone I don’t have help with my children so I had to still take care of them. I also had to understand they didn’t understand why mommy was feeling so down and it wasn’t their job to. I had to learn how to handle my hard moment while still being with them.Have a dance party with your little ones. Not only is this great exercising and fun but it’s truly healing work for your soul and quality time with the kiddos. Sounds like a win, win to me.

Appreciate the Process

Although you’re going to hate the uncomfort and the pain in your heart eventually it will fade. The triggers that once broke you down won’t have the same affects on you later. You’ll look back on those hard days where you thought you were going to die and thank God for bringing you through it. It’s hard in those moments but without those hard moments do you really think you would have become as strong and joyful as you are now or could be? When you can think of someone or the situation that once broke you and not cry or not have that feeling of your heart shattering you have reached your stage of healing. In that moment you will feel grateful for the process and God being with you every step of the way. The anger and pain are now filled by joy, smiles and love to you and your babies.

Scriptures to stand on during your healing

Exodus 15:26 “I’m the Lord who heals you”

Isaiah 53:4 It was our weakness he carried

1 Peter 2:24. By his wounds you are healed

1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God for he cares about you

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness”

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Mom in blue shirt cutting fruit and making lunch with her 2 boys

Being Intentional with my Children

The number one thing that has helped me build a healthier relationship with my children is my relationship with God. Let me explain.

God showed me so many times how to be more patient with my children and have more compassion. There are so many times I don’t listen or do what I know he has told me to do. In these moments it has shown me how disobedient I am, in the seat of this daughter. After I hit my aha moment I would sit and pray, repent and ask for forgiveness and in THOSE moments, he began to highlight to me how I need to be to my girls.

I can’t expect them to never make a mistake. I can’t become upset and frustrated when I feel they don’t listen to me. I can’t get impatient with them because I’m constantly repeating myself because I do it all the time and God still loves and forgives me every time.

We can feel they may know right from wrong, but they are learning as we still are in our adulthood. This is what has led me to being more intentional in my parenting with them.

Being intentional means to have clear expectations on what you want to achieve, a purpose. Ways that have helped me be intentional are:

-Slow down and communicate with them

-Reading books, blogs etc on parenting

-Spend quality time/ learning their love language

So, what do I mean by slowing down and communicate? As mothers we typically are ALWAYS moving and frantic. There are 1001 things going on daily in our life. I had to take a minute to be in the moment with them. Pause my thoughts to hear my girls and what they may need from me. As the bible teaches us, be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19). This scripture helps a lot in my day to day especially in communication with my children. How can I help them and build with them effectively if I’m not truly listening to their wants and needs? Me showing that we are interested in their day and/or interested in their feelings makes them feel seen, heard and it lets them know they can trust me.  

Reading books, blogs or following specific people on social media that you may look up to parenting wise is so necessary. The point of this is to learn new info. I had to unlearn the info I grew up learning to intake the new knowledge. I started to learn things like how to deal with my kids’ emotions and how to  respond in a way that is beneficial for us both. One thing that has helped me tremendously is learning they are human. Now I know when you hear that you think well duh, they’re human. But no, think about it. You most likely don’t allow your children to have an opinion if it’s not aligned with yours and you don’t allow them to be angry or cry. But you must realize when you’re upset you cry and get angry. The same goes for them. They are human and most definitely have a right to feel those same feelings and emotions.

Lastly, I spend quality time with my kids. There is a quiz you can take online for finding your love language. You can also do one for or with your kids. This helped me figure out what way my kids receive love better. The quiz link is Knowing this information, I started to plan different things to do with my kids that they will remember.

Another thing I do is set days and weekends out of the month that are only for my kids. I title them mommy daughter days or nights. I also received their input and now we all look forward to our dates together.

Doing these steps has helped me become a better mother toward my girls and build an incredible bond. I get to show up daily with the mindset of wanting to shower them in love and appreciation but I would have never known that if I didn’t shift my mindset and become intentional with them.  

Check out my podcast Glow in Confidence below to hear more about how I handle some tough moments with my kids. 

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